Ashfur's Pain
by Kitten With A Tie
Summary: What happens when this grey warrior is fed up with Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw? Will he try to find another mate, or keep fighting for the cat he loves?


I trudged through the snow. The snow stuck in between my toes, causing me to walk awkwardly. My frostbitten paws were numb with pain, but I barely noticed it. My claws flexed in to the snow; how dare Squirrelflight reject me and go after that Half-Clan, traitorous, murderous flea-bag? It was obvious that Squirrelflight didn't love him. Brambleclaw didn't love her either. How could those two go on being mates when they both hated each other so much?

I let a plump mouse scamper across my path, but I made no notice of it. But something whispered in my ear and I ran after the scent of a rabbit. My claws made deep paw prints in the snow. I was hunting out of anger and frustration. I leapt and my thorn sharp claws dug deep in to it.

_Ashfur, I'm so sorry._

My claws ripped through flesh.

_We can be friends._

My teeth chomped it to pieces.

_I love Brambleclaw, not you._

"Ashfur!"

A familiar voice filled my ears and I turned to see a massive brown tabby tom. His muscles rippled beneath his pelt, and his golden eyes shimmered as he looked at me with disapproval in his gaze. "I expected better of you," the tom growled, his long tail lashing. "I had no idea that hunting to you is ripping a part fresh kill."

A snarl rose in my throat, but I held it back and sheathed my claws. I'll get rid of him later, I thought. "Well, any prey is good in leaf-bare," I meowed. "Unless you want the Clan to starve." The tom growled, his golden eyes pools of anger. "Fine, Ashfur. Have it your way. But next time I'll have a word with Firestar about your odd hunting tactics." The large tabby turned around and shouldered his way through the undergrowth, his large paws crunching the snow underpaw. My pelt prickled with unease. If Brambleclaw did tell Firestar about what I did to the rabbit, then I'd be in deep trouble. Firestar didn't appreciate fresh-kill being wasted, especially during this deadly season.

Grabbing the torn rabbit in my jaws, I walked back to camp. As I traveled through some thistle bushes, my tail got caught on a thistle, and I growled angrily and dropped the rabbit. Using my paws, I tried to pry my tail from the thistles, but it was stuck.

"Need help?"

I turned to see a beautiful she-cat. She was a brown tabby, with a creamy underbelly and amber eyes. "Greetings, Leafpool."

My words were slurred, and I felt my heart beat faster. "Playing in the thistles?" she purred as she used her claws to mess with the fur that was stuck to the thistle. "Of course not!" I mewed as she freed my tail. Quickly, I groomed down my pelt and picked up the ripped rabbit. "Nice catch," Leafpool surveyed the rabbit. "Uh, I got a little carried away with the killing part," I lied, feeling my fur get hotter. "Oh, well." The she-cat mumbled before trotting off, waving her tail goodbye. "Anyway, see you around, Ashfur!" I watched her as she disappeared through the band of trees. _Oh, no, Ashfur, _I thought. _You are not in love with a medicine cat._

_But she's been through the same as you!_ A voice argued.

True.

Leafpool was mates with Crowfeather, a WindClan warrior. But the warrior code split up their love, and Leafpool was forced to break up with her beloved mate. Crowfeather did his best to prove his loyalty again, even if that meant taking a mate he didn't love and having a kit he hated.

_But would she accept a vengeful warrior like you?_ I thought. But standing in the snow for so long was making my paws grow numb, so I tightened my grip on the rabbit's neck and padded down the ravine, the icy wind slicing through my gray fur.

Setting my kill on the fresh kill pile, I searched the clearing for a familiar shape. There she was, grooming herself and chatting with Brightheart. My claws unsheathed and dug in to the ground; now was my moment for revenge. She shall feel the pain that I felt when she left me. She will see the blood as it stains her fur... the pain that I felt when she left me for him.

My claws dug even farther in to the ground. Brambleclaw. This was all _his_ fault. He didn't love Squirrelflight. _I_ loved her. _I _deseved her. The ginger she-cat noticed me, said her goodbyes to Brightheart, and padded over.

"Hi," she greeted me as if it was a normal chilly morning. "Don't 'hi' me," I hissed, sheathing my claws, yet holding up a paw. "You know what I want to talk to you about." The flame colored cat frowned. "Oh, Ashfur," she mumbled. "You know that we've been over this! We're just friends, nothing else."

_No!_

"I love you, Squirrelflight!" I meowed, desperation thick in my voice. "Don't you know that? I _want _you. I _need_ you. You _have_ to understand!" But instead of taking in her destiny, she backed away, fear thick in her bright green eyes. "I'm sorry, Ashfur," she mewed. "But I love Brambleclaw."

_I hate that stupid tom!_ I screamed inside of my head as she turned away. _She loves me. Just admit it, Squirrelflight. You belong with me._

I saw Hollyleaf padding in to camp with her jaws full of scrawny prey. Then she frowned as Squirrelflight walked over. "How are you?" the she-cat asked. "Living a lie, like always," she growled. I had forgotten that she had revealed the biggest secret ever at the Gathering that I wanted to reveal: That Leafpool was her mother and Crowfeather was her father, and that Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw weren't her parents.

I had hoped the two cats would break up, and Brambleclaw said, "You could've trusted me." But Brambleclaw realized his mistake and became mates with Squirrelflight again. That had filled me with so much anger that I had ripped up the mouse I was eating. "You know that Leafpool and I had to lie to you," Squirrelflight insisted. "Leafpool wasn't ready to reveal who she was."

"It's her fault!" Hollyleaf snarled. "If she hadn't broken the warrior code, then I wouldn't hate her."

"Hollyleaf," Squirrelflight rested her tail on the black she-cat's shoulder, and I was surprised she didn't shy away. "You know that every cat breaks the warrior code. It's normal. And that every cat makes a mistake. It's time for you to stop your obsession with the warrior code." The green eyed she-cat looked deep into the younger cat's. "Okay, Squirrelflight," Hollyleaf meowed. "I forgive you. But I will still follow the warrior code, even if you won't." She spun around and stalked out of camp.

My pelt was bristling with anger. Hollyleaf was one of my idols! She hated Squirrelflight, and wanted revenge on her as much as I did. But now Hollyleaf was against me. "Leafpool." I breathed. I had to save her! Hollyleaf would probably go kill her because she probably thought that she only needed one cat's forgiveness, not two. I took off out the barrier. I followed Hollyleaf's scent, even though it was hard to track her through the snow. I followed her pawprints, which lead out of ThunderClan territory.

I reached a place that looked like a camp and entered it. I scented Hollyleaf and Leafpool and heard voices. "So you forgive me?" I heard Leafpool's voice. It was full of happiness and exhaustion. "I was a fool to hate you," I heard Hollyleaf meow. "I should've accepted the fact you broke the warrior code for Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and me."

"Oh, Hollyleaf. My dear kit. I am so sorry..."

"It's okay, mother."

"NO!" I shouted, exploding from the undergrowth and shoving myself in to Hollyleaf, who stumbled headfirst into a pile of snow. "Don't listen to her, Leafpool!" I cried. "I'm here to save you from that dirty murderer!"

"You mouse brain!" Hollyleaf shouted, leaping from the pile of snow and shaking her pelt. "What in StarClan's name is wrong with you?"

"I know your plan," I spat, stalking up to her and shoving her against a wall, nose-to-nose. "But you will never harm Leafpool as long as my claws are still clawing!"

"Ashfur, don't be so ridiculous." Leafpool pulled me off of her daughter, her pelt bristling with indignation. "Hollyleaf doesn't want me dead anymore."

"Yeah!" The black cat recovered from my attack and stood beside her mother. "W-what?" I stuttered, feeling my body go limp, but I forced my legs to keep me standing. "Hollyleaf, don't you want to kill Squirrelflight?"

The warriors eyes went wide and she immediately shook her head. "My grudge with my family is over," she snarled. "And if you have a problem with it, then maybe... you should... go." Leafpool added, her amber eyes sparkling with anger. "Leafpool... I-I..."

"Go!" Hollyleaf snarled, swiping at me with unsheathed claws, a mouse-length from my nose. I stalked away, but I turned to them. "You will regret this," I spat, my anger directed mostly at Hollyleaf, who's hackles were raised and her pelt bristling all over. I walked back to camp.

Why did all the she-cats I want always turn against me? First Squirrelflight, now Leafpool... oh, StarClan, why is it so hard to find love? I walked in to camp, my whole body covered with snow. "Oh, Ashfur," Hazeltail giggled. "You look like a snow monster." My heartbeat quickened. Maybe I could try Hazeltail...

"Would you like to share tongues?" I asked the pale grey she-cat. She seemed taken aback from my question, but nodded slowly. I groomed her slowly, and I felt pleasure ripple through me as she groomed the back of my neck. "So, Hazeltail.." I didn't want to go too fast. "Are you looking for a mate?" I asked cooly. I had no idea how she would react, and I held my breath.

"I-I guess.." the she-cat mumbled. Then Hazeltail backed off of me and stared in to my blue eyes. "Ashfur, I know how much you love Squirrelflight, and I don't want to intervene. But if we did become mates, would you still love her?"

The flame colored she-cat had slipped my mind. Then I remembered all the pain she put me through, all the hurt I felt, all the blood that had spilled and she hadn't noticed... oh, yes, I hate her. For now on Squirrelflight will stay out of my life.

"No." I spat. "She is a back-stabbing flea pelt who deserves to have her heart ripped out by badgers." Hazeltail recoiled from me, her eyes wide with fear. "I'm sorry," I say, staring in to her frightened blue eyes. "It's just that she's hurt me for so long." Hazeltail nuzzled me and licked my side.

"I won't hurt you." Her voice was hardly a whisper. "I've always loved you, Ashfur, and I always will." My heartbeat faster then it had in moons. Faster then when I'd see Squirrelflight hunting.

"I love you, Hazeltail."

Moons later, Hazeltail was expecting my kits. I was prouder then a cat that had brought back enough fresh kill to last ten moons. But that wasn't the only great thing: Brambleclaw had broken up with Squirrelflight and this time he had told me that it was permanent. I had become good friends with him, even though sometimes I wanted to cuff him over the ear.

Anyway, with newleaf here everything was going fine. The sun warmed up the large rocks on the side of the clearing; Firestar had cleared them as safe again after the horrible incident with Honeyfern.

"Ashfur!" a screech filled my ears. "Ashfur! Hazeltail's kits! They're coming!" That was the call that changed my life forever. I was pacing outside the nursery; Hazeltail's painful wails filled the clearing. The thing that bugged me was that they would always abruptly go off, as if some cat had smacked a paw over her muzzle.

Then tiny wails entered my ears. "Ashfur," Jayfeather purred. "You have two toms and a she-cat." I entered the nursery, shouldering my way past Jayfeather, who glared at me with his blind blue eyes. "They're beautiful." Hazeltail was laying there, exhausted, but a loving gaze was on her tired blue eyes.

"I named the dark grey kit Sootkit," she mumbled drowsily. "The light grey kit is Fogkit, and you can name the... last... kit..." her words were replaced with snores. I licked the small kit; she looked like me, except she had a tiny white chest and a... my heart nearly stopped. White forepaw?

Then I smiled. "Snowkit." I nuzzled the little kit again, and she let out a protestant squeak before suckling on her mother. "My little Snowkit."


End file.
